The Work for Part 3 of "House of Healing: The Myth of the Angry Black Woman"
In case you missed it: Work for Part 1 | Work for Part 2
Beloved,
I hope you gain some insight from watching Part 3 of "House of Healing: The Myth of the Angry Black Woman." This study guide is offered to support you in doing your work in the privacy and comfort of your own home so that you will benefit from the work done and the door opened by the guests in the House of Healing. Please be sure to watch the "Deeper Dive" video that will be posted on the Iyanla Vanzant YouTube channel immediately following the show (10/9c).
This week, we are cutting to the core, just as the women in the House of Healing have done. You are encouraged to take your time, moving through no more than one or two inquiries a day. Be mindful not to overload yourself by rushing through the inquiries just to get them done.
This is very sacred, very deep work that yields great benefits and rewards as long as you stick with it. If you take on too much too quickly, you may frighten yourself, which will cause you to stop. Be gentle with yourself in this process. As you are working through the inquiries, be sure to have a glass of drinking water nearby. As you work, breathe deeply and drink; in this way, you will flush and move energy.
DOING YOUR WORK
As you watch the show, keep a pen and paper handy so that you can take accurate notes.
1. Identify the guest or guests in this episode with whom you can most identify, or who reminds you of someone you know.
2. What is it about the guest that you now recognize within yourself or in someone you know?
3. Identify what you think and feel about what the House of Healing guest is demonstrating.
DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS
Get in touch with your own feelings about what you have seen and heard expressed by the House of Healing guests. Be sure to write these down.
AFTER THE SHOW
Each of the following inquiries are offered to support your work in processing through any anger you may be holding. As with the guests in the House of Healing, anger often lies dormant or bubbles just below the surface of the mind. Holding anger also means that you run the risk of exploding at inappropriate times in an inappropriate manner. This, my Beloved, is the work! There is no shortcut or easy way out. Either you are committed, or you are not. And it is possible to love yourself no matter what you choose to do or not do.
This is a written exercise. You are encouraged to write and rewrite the prompt statement for each response. If you choose to type, type the prompt for each response. In other words, do not cut and paste it into your response.
There are two ways to work with this exercise. If there is a person or people you know you are angry with—in addition to things like the conditions of the world or your finances—you may want to work with one thing at a time. This means you would complete all the inquiries as they relate to one person or situation, and then start a new sheet for any other people or situations. You may find this to be the easiest way. Or, you can mix everyone and everything together. The challenge in the latter case would be identifying how each inquiry relates to each person or situation. If you are aware that you are holding a lot of anger, or if the anger is old and related to the past (childhood memories), I would encourage you to work using the first method: one set of inquiries for each person or each situation. You may not get them all done during the week, but that's okay. Make the commitment now (remember Part 1) that you will work until you feel complete.
As you work through the inquiries, give yourself permission to know, remember and tell the truth. If you get stuck, use your tools: breathe and use your heart song. If you are working with a partner, it is best to simply read your responses to each inquiry; there is no need to discuss what you have written. If you are working in a group, each person can read their responses, followed by a group heart song, before you move on to the next person. If you are working alone, remember that you are simply releasing energy. It will not hurt you. Keep breathing!
IDENTIFY WHERE YOU ARE
Note: Write the prompt statement before each response. Be sure to consider every area and aspect of your life. It does not matter how many things come forward. Keep writing. It doesn't have to make sense or be grammatically perfect.
What are you angry about?
IDENTIFY THE CHALLENGE
Note: When you think about what you are angry about, identify how the anger is serving you. Yes, it serves something positive or negative. Wouldn't you like to know what it is serving? It doesn't have to make sense to your intelligent mind.
What has this anger prevented you from doing/being?
IDENTIFY THE PEOPLE
Note: This is straightforward. If you have any upset or anger with anyone, they have a place on this list.
Whom are you angry with?
IDENTIFY SOME TRUTHS
Note: Are any other feelings attached to what you call anger? Once you identify it, ask yourself whether it is stronger than the anger. In some cases, it will be. In others, it will not. The key here is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and tell the absolute truth about what you feel.
Is there another feeling beneath the anger?
SPEAK WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND
Note: This is where you get to vent. Write whatever you would like to say, have said, have not said or need to say. This is where you put all the not-so-nice things you may be thinking and holding on to in your mind. Go ahead, VENT!
If you had to speak your anger, what would you say?
SPEAK WHAT IS ON YOUR HEART
Note: This is where you get to share the softer feelings that make you feel vulnerable and perhaps weak. For this section, make believe you are about 5 to 7 years old, and say what you feel.
What else do you want specific people to know?
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Note: Here is where you put on your adult underwear and ask for what you want from the person or people you are dealing with. Remember: You have not because you ask not.
What are you asking from/of specific people with whom you are angry?
FORGIVE YOURSELF
Note: Forgiveness is the ticket to freedom. Think about everything you have discovered and written, and ask yourself, "Am I willing to let myself off the hook?" That is what self-forgiveness will do.
What are you willing to forgive yourself for/about?
Sometimes you simply are not ready, and it's okay. Just be aware.
FORGIVE SOMEBODY
Note: It is so much easier to forgive others after you have forgiven yourself. Just think about it this way: They are human, just like you. They make mistakes, just like you. They are hurting, just like you.
What are you willing to forgive people for/because?
Again, sometimes you simply are not ready, and it's okay. Just be aware.
Is there anyone you are not willing to forgive?
FINALLY...
Complete the following statement as many times as it feels appropriate. It is most effective to write (or type, if you must) the statement, each time giving it a different ending. However, you can read the statement aloud and write only the ending that comes up for you.
PROMPT:
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place _____________. (Complete the statement with the experiences and emotions/feelings you are ready to release.)
EXAMPLES:
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place poverty, lack and limitation.
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place fear in all of its forms.
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place arrogance and the need to be right about everything.
A PRAYER FOR YOU
You may find this short but powerful prayer useful as you do this work. Use whatever salutation feels right for you. Say it often and say it aloud.
Dear God/Holy Spirit/Creator/Christ/The I Am That I Am:
Open my eyes where I have been blind.
Open my mind where it has been closed.
Open my heart where it has been wounded.
Open my soul to know and feel Your presence.
I am ready to heal.
I am ready to forgive.
Please show me how.
Thank you.
I let it be.
And so it is!
Beloved,
I hope you gain some insight from watching Part 3 of "House of Healing: The Myth of the Angry Black Woman." This study guide is offered to support you in doing your work in the privacy and comfort of your own home so that you will benefit from the work done and the door opened by the guests in the House of Healing. Please be sure to watch the "Deeper Dive" video that will be posted on the Iyanla Vanzant YouTube channel immediately following the show (10/9c).
This week, we are cutting to the core, just as the women in the House of Healing have done. You are encouraged to take your time, moving through no more than one or two inquiries a day. Be mindful not to overload yourself by rushing through the inquiries just to get them done.
This is very sacred, very deep work that yields great benefits and rewards as long as you stick with it. If you take on too much too quickly, you may frighten yourself, which will cause you to stop. Be gentle with yourself in this process. As you are working through the inquiries, be sure to have a glass of drinking water nearby. As you work, breathe deeply and drink; in this way, you will flush and move energy.
DOING YOUR WORK
As you watch the show, keep a pen and paper handy so that you can take accurate notes.
1. Identify the guest or guests in this episode with whom you can most identify, or who reminds you of someone you know.
- What did you see in this episode that you did not notice before?
2. What is it about the guest that you now recognize within yourself or in someone you know?
3. Identify what you think and feel about what the House of Healing guest is demonstrating.
- How have you demonstrated the same or similar behavior?
- When and how have you experienced this behavior being demonstrated by someone you know?
DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS
Get in touch with your own feelings about what you have seen and heard expressed by the House of Healing guests. Be sure to write these down.
- What, if any, stereotypes do you see being demonstrated?
- Identify the strongest emotions that have come up for you at the demonstration of the stereotype (i.e. "Seeing this, I feel...").
AFTER THE SHOW
Each of the following inquiries are offered to support your work in processing through any anger you may be holding. As with the guests in the House of Healing, anger often lies dormant or bubbles just below the surface of the mind. Holding anger also means that you run the risk of exploding at inappropriate times in an inappropriate manner. This, my Beloved, is the work! There is no shortcut or easy way out. Either you are committed, or you are not. And it is possible to love yourself no matter what you choose to do or not do.
This is a written exercise. You are encouraged to write and rewrite the prompt statement for each response. If you choose to type, type the prompt for each response. In other words, do not cut and paste it into your response.
There are two ways to work with this exercise. If there is a person or people you know you are angry with—in addition to things like the conditions of the world or your finances—you may want to work with one thing at a time. This means you would complete all the inquiries as they relate to one person or situation, and then start a new sheet for any other people or situations. You may find this to be the easiest way. Or, you can mix everyone and everything together. The challenge in the latter case would be identifying how each inquiry relates to each person or situation. If you are aware that you are holding a lot of anger, or if the anger is old and related to the past (childhood memories), I would encourage you to work using the first method: one set of inquiries for each person or each situation. You may not get them all done during the week, but that's okay. Make the commitment now (remember Part 1) that you will work until you feel complete.
As you work through the inquiries, give yourself permission to know, remember and tell the truth. If you get stuck, use your tools: breathe and use your heart song. If you are working with a partner, it is best to simply read your responses to each inquiry; there is no need to discuss what you have written. If you are working in a group, each person can read their responses, followed by a group heart song, before you move on to the next person. If you are working alone, remember that you are simply releasing energy. It will not hurt you. Keep breathing!
IDENTIFY WHERE YOU ARE
Note: Write the prompt statement before each response. Be sure to consider every area and aspect of your life. It does not matter how many things come forward. Keep writing. It doesn't have to make sense or be grammatically perfect.
What are you angry about?
- PROMPT: I am angry about ____________.
- EXAMPLES: I am angry about the way my sister Frances talks to me.
I am angry because I never finish what I start.
I am angry about the current condition of my bedroom.
IDENTIFY THE CHALLENGE
Note: When you think about what you are angry about, identify how the anger is serving you. Yes, it serves something positive or negative. Wouldn't you like to know what it is serving? It doesn't have to make sense to your intelligent mind.
What has this anger prevented you from doing/being?
- PROMPT: The anger I hold prevents me from ____________.
- EXAMPLES: The anger has prevented me from showing my sister Frances respect.
The anger has prevented me from feeling good about myself.
The anger has prevented me from spending more time with my sister Frances.
IDENTIFY THE PEOPLE
Note: This is straightforward. If you have any upset or anger with anyone, they have a place on this list.
Whom are you angry with?
- PROMPT: I am angry with ____________.
- EXAMPLES: I am angry with my sister Frances for being so disrespectful toward me.
I am angry with my sister Frances for being a bully.
I am angry with myself for not defending myself when my sister Frances comes at me.
IDENTIFY SOME TRUTHS
Note: Are any other feelings attached to what you call anger? Once you identify it, ask yourself whether it is stronger than the anger. In some cases, it will be. In others, it will not. The key here is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and tell the absolute truth about what you feel.
Is there another feeling beneath the anger?
- PROMPT: The feeling beneath the anger with ____________ is _______________.
- EXAMPLES: The feeling beneath the anger with my sister Frances is hurt.
The feeling beneath the anger with my sister Frances is disappointment.
The feeling beneath the anger with myself is embarrassment.
SPEAK WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND
Note: This is where you get to vent. Write whatever you would like to say, have said, have not said or need to say. This is where you put all the not-so-nice things you may be thinking and holding on to in your mind. Go ahead, VENT!
If you had to speak your anger, what would you say?
- PROMPT: The anger would speak to _______________ and say _______________.
- EXAMPLES: The anger would speak to my sister Frances and say, "You are a bully and a fat pig."
The anger would speak to my mother, Betty, and ask, "Why do you let Frances talk to me like that? You always defend her!"
The anger would speak to me and say, "You should punch Frances in her fat, flapping mouth."
SPEAK WHAT IS ON YOUR HEART
Note: This is where you get to share the softer feelings that make you feel vulnerable and perhaps weak. For this section, make believe you are about 5 to 7 years old, and say what you feel.
What else do you want specific people to know?
- PROMPT: I want _________________ to know _______________________.
- EXAMPLES: I want Frances to know that I love her and that the way she speaks to me breaks my heart.
I want my mother to know that she makes it okay for my sister to talk to me the way she does.
I want my mother to know that she should protect me from my sister.
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Note: Here is where you put on your adult underwear and ask for what you want from the person or people you are dealing with. Remember: You have not because you ask not.
What are you asking from/of specific people with whom you are angry?
- PROMPT: I am asking _________________ to ________________________.
- EXAMPLES: I am asking my sister to speak to me respectfully.
I am asking my sister to learn how to speak to me respectfully.
I am asking my sister to do this work so she can release her own anger.
FORGIVE YOURSELF
Note: Forgiveness is the ticket to freedom. Think about everything you have discovered and written, and ask yourself, "Am I willing to let myself off the hook?" That is what self-forgiveness will do.
What are you willing to forgive yourself for/about?
- PROMPT: I am willing to forgive myself for ________________________.
- EXAMPLES: I am willing to forgive myself for being afraid of my sister.
I am willing to forgive myself for not standing up to my sister.
I am willing to forgive myself for thinking my sister is more powerful than I am.
Sometimes you simply are not ready, and it's okay. Just be aware.
FORGIVE SOMEBODY
Note: It is so much easier to forgive others after you have forgiven yourself. Just think about it this way: They are human, just like you. They make mistakes, just like you. They are hurting, just like you.
What are you willing to forgive people for/because?
- PROMPT: I am willing to forgive ______________________ for ________________.
- EXAMPLES: I am willing to forgive Frances because she doesn't know any better.
I am willing to forgive Frances because she is in so much pain herself.
Again, sometimes you simply are not ready, and it's okay. Just be aware.
Is there anyone you are not willing to forgive?
- PROMPT: I am not willing to forgive _________________ because ______________.
- EXAMPLES: I am not willing to forgive my mother because she should know better.
I am not willing to forgive Frances because I have asked her to stop many times.
FINALLY...
Complete the following statement as many times as it feels appropriate. It is most effective to write (or type, if you must) the statement, each time giving it a different ending. However, you can read the statement aloud and write only the ending that comes up for you.
PROMPT:
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place _____________. (Complete the statement with the experiences and emotions/feelings you are ready to release.)
EXAMPLES:
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place poverty, lack and limitation.
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place fear in all of its forms.
I surrender and release, at the deepest root and cause, all attachments to and consciousness of historical, generational and ancestral patterns of belief and behavior that support and hold in place arrogance and the need to be right about everything.
A PRAYER FOR YOU
You may find this short but powerful prayer useful as you do this work. Use whatever salutation feels right for you. Say it often and say it aloud.
Open my eyes where I have been blind.
Open my mind where it has been closed.
Open my heart where it has been wounded.
Open my soul to know and feel Your presence.
I am ready to heal.
I am ready to forgive.
Please show me how.
Thank you.
I let it be.
And so it is!
