3 Steps to Cultivate Meaningful Friendships
It's not about how many friends you have—it's what you've done for them lately that matters.
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To hell with random acts of kindness for strangers.
Now that I've got your attention, I want to share why it's important to create more conscious acts of kindness for the friends you already know and love—at least as much as you may be encouraged to do for the stranger on the street.
- If you feel close to other people, you're four times more likely to feel good about yourself and your life.
- People who claim to have five or more true friends with whom they can discuss important problems are 60 percent more likely to say that they are "very happy."
- People with a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their work. However, only 30 percent of employees report having a best friend at work.
"Friendships are among the most fundamental of human needs," Rath says. "When we asked people if they would rather have a best friend at work or a 10 percent pay raise, having a friend clearly won."
Unfortunately, if you're too busy amassing a quantity of friends —whether on social networking sites or at live networking events—you might be creating a quantity of unfulfilling relationships, which won't make your life happier at all.
If you're feeling twitchy because you're addicted to collecting people, you're not alone in your yearning to be surrounded by a crowd. Many of us are caught up in the desire for more—it's a classic case of the Hedonic Treadmill. Active pedalers are always busy reaching for distant, dangling carrots of what they don't yet have, easily forgetting to appreciate their already gathered, perfectly fabulous carrots, lying in a discarded heap at their feet.
If you're too focused on collecting distant, dangling carrot-people, you risk not enjoying the full love experience received from spending quality time with the quality folks you already know and love.
So, how can you increase the joy of friendship? I have three ideas:
1. Focus on quality, not quantity. In other words, it's not just who you know—it's how well you know who you know. So put down your phone, listen actively and engage genuinely. The deeper your emotional connection, the higher the emotional rewards.
2. Prioritize people who share your values. Relationships of shared virtue are the ones that bring true happiness. Focus on these relationships. Attend their events, schedule regular hangouts and make time for deep conversations. Avoid quick texts or vague promises; your presence is what counts.
3. Make a list of your top five friends and write down how they've influenced you and vice versa. Remember what you love about each one of them—and call them to share your admiration directly!
Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author and behavioral change expert known for her work on emotional well-being and personal growth. Her insights have appeared in top media outlets and she continues to inspire with her transformative advice.
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